Conflicts at home often arise because we do not know how to listen to our children while setting aside the “directive” role of parent, when perhaps what they need in that situation is to be listened to without judgement, so they can deal with what is happening.
- Active listening is a form of communication in which the receiver (the parent) tries to understand the emotions the sender (the child) is feeling or what the message means; that is, what the other person may be feeling and why they are sharing the message. Once the other person has been heard, the receiver puts into words what they have understood and passes it back to the sender, so that they can check it is right and, at the same time, feel listened to and understood. Passing this information back from parent to child is not about giving our opinion, evaluating, advising or judging what we have been told, but about letting them know what we think their message means and, if they want it and tell us so, giving them the help they need.
- To listen actively we need to intend to listen to the other person, to help them, to accept their feelings, to trust their ability to handle the situation they bring to us, and to be patient.
- When our children tell us something, it is because they need to be heard, so our role is to work out what they are feeling, not to judge what is happening.
- The benefits of active listening are not limited to helping our son or daughter feel better or solve problems: it also builds a better relationship between us and encourages trust.
And you, in which situations do you think you could use active listening with your son or daughter?
References
Durán, A., et al. (2004). MANUAL DIDÁCTICO para la ESCUELA de PADRES (5th ed., Vol. 1). Fundación para el Estudio, Prevención y Asistencia a las Drogodependencias. Naranjo, M. G. M. (2018). Escucha activa y empática. Alianza Editorial.
