How can I use body language and tone of voice to communicate better with my son or daughter?
Children read our body and our voice before our words. Small changes in the way we say things can change how they are received.
When we talk to a child, words are only part of the message. Our posture, our gaze and our tone of voice tell them whether we are calm, whether we are really listening or whether we are about to lose our patience. If what we say and what we show do not match, the child believes what they see.
What we can do with our body
- Get down to their level. Crouching or sitting down stops the conversation being top-down.
- Look at them while they talk. Putting the phone down and turning towards them tells them that what they are saying matters.
- Keep an open posture. Crossed arms or a raised finger come across as a threat, even if we do not mean them to.
- Come closer before speaking. An instruction given up close works better than a shout from another room.
What we can do with our voice
A low, unhurried tone calms; a high, fast tone stirs things up. When we want a rule to be followed, it helps to speak slowly, in short sentences and without irony. And if we notice our voice rising, pausing for a few seconds before carrying on is a good example of self-control.
It is not about acting, but about being consistent: letting our body and voice go along with what we want to say.