When someone they love or a pet dies, adults' first reaction is often to protect children by keeping them away. But what protects them is understanding what has happened and feeling accompanied.

How to break the news

  • Soon, and from someone close to them.
  • In clear words. “They have died”, not “they've gone away” or “they've fallen asleep”, which are confusing and can be frightening.
  • Explain what it means: the body has stopped working and will not come back.
  • Answer their questions, even if they keep coming back.

How they experience it

By primary school they already understand that death is permanent, and they may worry that someone else will die. Grief tends to come in waves: they cry, and a little later they are playing. It can also come out as anger, stomach aches or trouble sleeping.

How to support them

  • Share our own sadness without overwhelming them.
  • Let them take part in farewells if they want to, explaining beforehand what they will see.
  • Keep up routines.
  • Remember the person: look at photos, make a drawing, keep an object.
  • Let the school know.

When to ask for help

If after a few months the distress does not ease, there is a lot of guilt or the child stops getting on with their life, it is advisable to see a professional.