Finding out that our child has lied to us can hurt, but lying is part of development. Younger children mix up fantasy and reality; from the age of six or seven, a lie usually has a specific reason.

Why they lie

  • To avoid being punished or told off.
  • So as not to disappoint us.
  • To get something or to get attention.
  • To protect a friend or their own privacy.

How to respond

  • Stay calm. A very strong reaction teaches them to lie better.
  • Do not set traps. If we already know what happened, it is better to say so than to ask “was it you?”.
  • Separate what happened from the lie. “Breaking the glass was an accident; what I didn't like was that you didn't tell me”.
  • Make telling the truth worthwhile. If owning up has the same outcome as hiding it, they will not do it again.
  • Thank them for being honest, especially when it is hard.

Check our own example

The little lies they hear us tell (“say we're not in”) teach them too.

When to see someone

If the lies are very frequent or elaborate, or come with other worrying behaviour, it is advisable to seek professional advice.