Sharing parents, space and toys inevitably leads to conflict. Many fights have an underlying goal: the adults' attention. That is why the way we respond can make them more or less frequent.

What fuels them

Comparisons (“look at your brother”), labels (“the responsible one”, “the wild one”), always acting as judge and expecting the eldest to always give way because “they're older”.

What helps

  • One-to-one time with each child. A child who gets their share of attention does not need to compete as much.
  • Treat them according to what each one needs, not exactly the same.
  • Do not look for someone to blame. Describe the problem: “there are two children and only one remote”.
  • Teach them to negotiate: taking turns, swapping, using a timer.
  • Praise cooperation when they play well together, which is when we usually pay least attention.

When to step in

If they are arguing without hurting each other, we can give them the chance to sort it out. If there is physical aggression or name-calling, we need to stop it, separate them until they calm down and talk about it afterwards.

House rules

Few and clear: no hitting, no name-calling, and ask before taking each other's things. Rules made together are followed better.