How can I handle my child's tantrums?
A tantrum is an emotional overflow, not a challenge. Our own calm is the most useful tool for helping them get theirs back.
Tantrums happen when frustration is more than the child can manage. They are more common in younger children, but they also happen in primary school, especially when children are tired, hungry or facing changes.
Before
Many can be prevented: give warning of changes of activity, keep regular sleep and meal times, offer a choice between two options and avoid situations that ask too much when they are already tired.
During
- Keep everyone safe and move them away if they could hurt themselves or someone else.
- Say little. In the middle of a tantrum they cannot reason; explanations come later.
- Stay close and calm. If we need a few seconds to breathe, we take them.
- Do not give in to whatever caused the tantrum, and do not punish the emotion.
After
Once they have calmed down, offer closeness if they want it, name what happened (“you were really angry because you wanted to stay”) and think together about what they could do next time. If the limit was reasonable, it stays.
When to see someone
If tantrums are very frequent or intense for their age, if they last a long time or if the child hurts themselves, it is worth seeking advice.
Every tantrum met with calm is practice in self-regulation.