How can we help our children manage their anger?
Getting angry is normal and healthy. What needs to be learned is what to do with anger without hurting anyone.
Anger is a useful emotion: it warns us that something seems unfair or that we have not got what we wanted. The problem is not feeling it, but expressing it by hitting, shouting or breaking things.
Teach them to recognise it
We can help them notice the first signs in their body: a hot face, clenched fists, a racing heart. A drawn “anger thermometer”, from one to five, helps them say how they are before they explode.
Strategies for calming down
- Stop and breathe slowly, as if blowing up a balloon.
- Step away for a while to a quiet corner chosen together.
- Move: jump, run, squeeze a cushion.
- Put it into words: “I'm angry because…”.
These tools are practised when they are calm, not in the middle of the storm.
Our role
Validate the emotion and set a limit on the behaviour: “you can be angry, but you can't hit”. Do not answer their shouting with shouting. And talk about it afterwards, looking together for a solution to whatever made them angry.
Our example
Children learn to manage anger by watching what we do with ours. Saying “I'm too angry to talk right now, I'll be back in five minutes” is a very powerful lesson.