Emotional development is the path by which children learn to understand what they feel and what others feel, and to do something useful with those emotions. Between six and twelve they go from needing an adult to calm down to having strategies of their own.

Three steps we can support

  • Recognising. Naming what they feel broadens their emotional vocabulary: being sad is not the same as being disappointed or embarrassed.
  • Expressing. Show them acceptable ways of letting it out: talking, drawing, crying, asking for a hug.
  • Regulating. Teach them tools to calm down and think before acting.

Day to day

Talk about emotions naturally, including our own. Validate what they feel before correcting what they do. Use stories and films to talk about what the characters feel. And offer a predictable routine, which is the basis of emotional security.

What to avoid

Denying or playing things down (“it's not that bad”), mocking tears, or punishing an emotion instead of the behaviour.

Patience

The part of the brain responsible for self-control keeps maturing well into young adulthood. Children need a lot of practice and many chances to try again.